Narritive

This week we had to write a story based on this video. First we watched a bit of this video then we talked about what we saw felt and wondered and we also talked about the character and the old rusty yellow plane.

After that we planned it on a planning sheet.

This is my story, can I please have some feedback on how I did writing my story.

Name     LAUREN                                                                 Peer Marker: Parwin

Success Criteria - Narrative
Features of Text	Student	Peer
I have included a beginning, middle and an end.	😝
I have created a setting by showing with my words or using who, what, when & where.	😝
I have included a problem & solved it (or created good tension)	😝
I have written a satisfying ending.	💩
I have written in either 1st person or 3rd person.	😝
I have used descriptive language throughout  (sets of 3, alliteration, similes, personification, metaphors) and provided detail to my story.	😝
I have used a range sequencing connectives. (time words or phrases)	💩
My Personal Target/s:

What I think I did well:  Was descriptive words What my partner thinks I’ve done well: You have used a lot of descriptive words. What I think I need to improve next time: I don't know What my partner thinks I need to improve next time: Maybe next time you could use more time words.

Once upon a time a harbor was whole with water as clear as diamonds dancing in a hole. Where the waves once lapped up strongly against the vessels making them tremble in their wake.

While everyone was at sea the rainbow boats were smiling at me until one day when the mighty desert wind came up in gusts roaring like a wild beast tangled up in nets then it started throwing up all the sea until there was no more water to be seen.

A small girl at the age of 11 crawled out of a boat wreck surprisingly alive. As she saw the wreck of her father's boat she suddenly started to lose hope. Crying she fled into her house. As quiet as a mouse she found her father's old plane and flew it into the wild blue yonder.

Then a lighthouse started to shine but how and why is it shining then she sees a cloud as light as an angel shining so bright she suddenly started to tumble out of sight down down the girl fell falling right into a well. The dried up well helped her hatch a plan to make a rain machine. So she made a machine and it rained. After it rained she found her family

The end